toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize