I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
