a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
