She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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