It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize