oh god the rape fog is back!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
