Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
