Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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