This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
