Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
