I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
