I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
