Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize