i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
