Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did not marry a roomba.
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