i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
