yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
