Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
