Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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