I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
