I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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