He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
