i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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