do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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