omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
