if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
