HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
