We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
