I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
