I wish I could teleport
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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