There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
