K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
