if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
This is not my ceiling
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
