I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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