you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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