Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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