Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
