he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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