My balls are so social today.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
