where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Welp...herpes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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