Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
birth control should be required to get into college
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
