tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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