Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
