Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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