take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
