My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
