So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
