apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
