Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
pray to the hookup gods
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
