I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
