I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
