Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
