Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
