Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize