Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
