he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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