FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
