Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
