I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
