wanna go halves on a baby?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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