I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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