All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
