Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize