Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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