i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Still dying that you shit outside
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
