I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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