Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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