Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
